On the railways you got your comedians as well. I remember a cracking little fellow named Jack Ebbs at Southall, who was always a game for a laugh and a joke.
They used to have a station pilot at Southall, sitting in the bay. Jack had a fireman with him called Bert Goodman. Now, they were at the column and they’ve got the water bag in the column and Jack’s doing a little bit of oiling and there was all the school kids on the platform in them mornings, they used to catch the locals up from Southall to Ealing College.
The school kids are all there in their uniforms. Jack’s on the platform oiling and one of these kids came up to him and said, “are you the driver of this train?” And Jack said, “yes that’s right” and being a bit of a comedian Jack turns around to this kid with his left eye shut, so he’s only looking at him through his right eye.
Now this kid looks at him and said, “you only got one eye then?” and Jack says, “yes” he said, “that’s why I’m on this job”. “We’re on this job because I’ve only got one eye” he said, “that’s right ain’t it Bert?” and Bert turns around and has his right eye shut. Now this kid has got both the driver and fireman looking at him, each with only one eye and the word quickly gets round, come and see the one eyed driver and fireman on the pilot at Southall.
The next morning instead of all the kids being there, there’s half a dozen teachers and they’ve all come to see the one eyed driver and fireman of the pilot.
Each depot had, what I would call, the ‘serious’ drivers. Everything they done was done according to the rule book, when you were on the foot-plate you just stuck to your job, but when they got off, they were as good as gold.
Then you had the comedians who liked to joke and you could have a good old laugh with them. Then you had the exact opposite, men who had no more idea of driving a steam engine than flying. Some of them we used to call ‘bridge lifters’. Their tendency was that every time that they went under a bridge they wanted to see it jump up in the air, or else they had share’s in a coal mine and wanted to see how much coal they could burn in a tender. But, they were the drivers, they were in charge and you worked with them.
You knew the reputations of some of ‘em so when you got booked with one you said ‘right, I know his reputation’ and you got ready for the performance like. The driver’s word was law; he had the last say, no matter what happened.
I remember an incidence at Old Oak Common, I was a ‘spare’ fireman, I was booked on ‘spare’ and they had a system where if you were booked ‘spare’ they could move you two hours either side of your time, to bring you onto a job.
I got moved and I’m booked on to work the 3.05 – Paddington to Bristol. It’s on the board and I see I’m on with a driver called Bill Church, who was a small man. Now he had a reputation as a bit of a ‘bridge lifter’, you could hear him go by at any time of the day or night and you knew it was him on there.
Anyway, I books on at the time office and says to the clerk “book us on 3.05 Padd to Bristol, engine prepared” and he said’ “yes, it’s a Bristol and back job, your engines prepared”. I look on the duty bill and I see we got a 69-73 a brand new 69, one of the modified hawser hauliers, ideal, a nice little job like. I hadn’t taken any notice to see where we stopped, as I’d find that out shortly.
In comes old Churchy, and he obviously doesn’t know me and says to the time clerk “book us on the 3.05 Padd”, he said, “who’s my mate?” and the clerk said, “oh, there he is, your mate”. Bill says “are you with me?” and I said “yeah” and he says, “who are you with then?” and I said, “I’m with Arthur Evans, on the Swansea link, he’s my regular mate” I says, “he’s been with me through three and two link”.
He asked “what have we got?” and I said, “a 69-73” and he said, “oh, we ain’t having that” and I said, “well, what’s wrong with it?” and he said, “that’s no good for this job, the wheels are too small, come on” he said and I took the tea caddy he gave me and followed him round. I stood outside the foremans office and you never heard a set too like it, between him and George Cole. They were slagging each other, the questions of birthright was thrown at each other. He was on about the engine and the foreman was shouting, “that’s the engine allocated for the job” and Bill was shouting, “I’m not having that”. Eventually Colesy blew up “take 50-44 out of the canteen siding” he said, “and get off the shed on time”.
Away we went, 50-44’s all prepared, so’s we get up and has a square around and Bill says, “we’d better go” and away we went. We pulled into Paddington, I hooked up the train and we had eight, eight’s (coaches with eight wheels) on board.
The guard gave him the load and I said, “well, what do we do on this job then Bill” and he said, “were Swindon first stop, and I’ve got to do it in 70 minutes” and I said, “oh, 77 1/4 mile in 70 minutes” I said, “we’re going to be moving in places” as it’s a bit uphill towards Swindon. So we get cracking, and he gets hold of the regulator and said, “right, now, when I start, dig in” ‘course I dig and he’s lambasting this engine out of Paddington and we’re going past Southall and I’m lent over the side and I see my father getting his bike out. He looks around as we go by and I’ve got me fingers in me ears.
A couple of days later I see me dad and he asks, “who was that on there” and I says, “Bill Church” and dad said’ “oh, I thought as much” he said, “I bet he made you feel a bit navvy” and I said, “oh yeah”, but then, he was the driver, he was in charge and you just got on with it.
I had Jack Ebbs on an ‘auto’, I was booked on with him ‘round in the bay at Greenford. We were waiting there about ten minutes before we were due to leave. Jack was hanging over the side of this little ‘Fourteen Class” engine and I’m on the other side.
Now, I’d seen these three little ‘herberts’ hanging about by the stop blocks, and they come round on Jacks side. They had these school jackets with a badge, cap and satchels, with their ‘Tizer’ and sandwiches in, I suppose.
‘Train Spotters’, they got there little note books ready and they stopped at the side of the engine with Jack looking down at them, and this little fellow said, “are you the driver then sir?” So jack sort of stood up and said, “yeah, that’s right” he said (with his chest coming out a bit more), “I’m the driver”.
So this kid said, “do you have to know all about these engines?” “Oh yes” said Jack, “of course I do” he said, “anything goes wrong, I’ve got to put it right”. So this other little kid looks up at him and asks, “how many spokes in the driving wheel then?”
So of course I’m straight off on the other side down on the platform counting. I get’s back up and whispers to Jack, “sixteen Jack”. So Jack says to these three kids, “now let me see” he says, “when we were in the bay at Ealing, I got down when we were in the siding, whilst my mate was putting water in the tank” he said, “and I walked round and I had a look” he said, “and I made a point of counting them, and there were sixteen” he said, “in each one” and these kids looked at him in awe.
“Now” he said, “is there anything else you’d like to know before I go?” and these kids said, “no, no” they said, “thank you sir” and walked off. Jack turns to me and said, “bloody kids” and walks off up the front end.
I always remember an occasion at West Ealing, I was on one of these ‘austerity’ engines (a WD) on the West Ealing to Woodford change over with coal empties along with Jim Daniels.
Now, we’re sitting right behind the signal box at West Ealing. Jim was sitting just leaning out of the window like and I’m on the other side, when all of a sudden out of the signal box window comes this great big station floor matt. This signalman shook it hard and we was smothered in dust and dirt that came down.
Jim said to me, “blimey, what’s that” and I said, “it’s that bloke up there shaking a bloody great matt all over us”. Now the signalman when he’d finished, left the matt out hanging on a rail and goes back in the box. The board drops off, Jim blew the whistle and as he opened up, he leans out, grabs the matt and chucks it in the firebox. “Now let I’m find out where it’s got too” said Jack. We were never asked by the signalmen if we knew anything about a missing matt.